Semi-Structured Activities Make Things Easier

Semi-structured activities ease difficult social, relational and emotional situations by allowing you to focus on something other than the anxiety-provoking elements of the social setting, the relational tension or your own uncomfortable reactions.

In Social Situations: Say you’re looking to meet people: you consider the pressures of having to present yourself, to fit in, to look confident, to make conversation. Ugh! Yet you know you need to. The easier way to get to know others is to be part of a semi-structured activity – a bowling team , a bridge game, a volunteer activity, a cooking class, dance lessons, a quilting bee – anything that allows or even requires people to interact around a particular focus. In this kind of setting, you naturally get to know people as you talk about the task at hand. How you come across will have more to do with how well you bowl, stitch or lighten things with humor than with what you wear or who you come with.

In Relationships: It can be easier to converse or to discuss difficult topics while doing some fairly mindless task together – folding laundry, gardening, cooking, having tea, taking a walk, playing cards. It takes some of the pressure off of having to look into each others’ eyes and having to figure out what to say.

Dr. Tina’s Aside: Twenty-five years ago, I needed to tell my friend Keren that our single motherhood twosome was about to come to an end as I was planning to re-marry. I felt sad and a bit guilty. I suggested we play a game of Pisha Paysha* a no-skill card game that required some concentration but still allowed us to relate around the real topic without having to overly focus on our conflicting emotions.

Within Ourselves: When bad moods or anxiety make it hard to be with others or to do anything “worthwhile”, it can help to do something that is productive in a small way – sorting socks, lining shelves, knitting, planting, crossword puzzles. When we’re in such moods, the world can seem chaotic, dismal and frightening. Any activity that helps organize or contain stuff, eases our emotional system.