Cybersex/Relationships

What is cybersex addiction?

Healthy sexuality is part of a normal life experience and a pleasurable act of choice for most adults. However, for sexual addicts this behavior can be defined as compulsive and hidden. Unlike healthy sexual relationships, a sex addict will use sex as a way to handle boredom, anxiety, or other powerful feelings. Cybersex is defined as type-written communication for the sole purpose of achieving sexual arousal. Internet addiction offers a fantasy world in which there are endless people who appear to be interesting and more importantly, interested in you.

What’s the difference between sex addiction and cybersex addiction?

Unlike sex, cybersex does not require physical contact. Consequently, it provides easy, quick access to another world in which more sexual deviance is possible – any fantasy, fetish or interaction is accessible with the click of a button. The internet can deliver a fantasy world in which there are endless people who appear to be interesting and more importantly, interested in you.

How do I know if I’m addicted to cybersex?

Women are now online more than men. At this point it is estimated that both men and women use the internet for cybersex about equally. Overall, about 6% of internet users are compulsive in their online behavior, and about half of those are sexually compulsive. About 50% percent of the people who engage in cybersex take the contact a step further by talking on the phone, and about 15 – 30% meet in person.

If your online sexual behaviors has more costs than benefits, and you continue to engage in these behaviors anyway, then you have a problem. If you have vowed to quit or limit cyber-sex behavior and repeatedly fall back to uncontrolled use, then you have an addictive disorder

How can I get help for my cyber-sexual addiction?

Developing the skills and faculties to follow your path of greatest advantage rather than yield in the direction of least resistance is perhaps the most important and difficult challenge of your adult life. Success will surely make you stronger; failure may destroy you.

You may be reading this page because you observed yourself doing what you intended not to do. Relapsing or losing control can be a demoralizing and make you feel inept and hopeless.  Take heart; do not accept a defeatist attitude. It looks different from my perspective as a clinician than it feels from your perspective as the one caught in the addictive trap.

You can achieve good outcome, if you do what it takes to succeed.  This is a difficult passage, but you can benefit from the experiences of those who completed this passage before you.  Even though everyone is unique, there are some commonalities to the challenges individuals face as they switch from the path of least resistance to the path of greatest advantage.

Over the past three decades, I have accompanied many individuals though a passage similar to the one that you are about to undertake.  The tools and methods that enabled them to act as intended during crises of stress and temptation will be useful to you.  Links to exercises and practical methods to cope with crises are available on this web site. Please take advantage of them

To help determine whether a 12-Step treatment program or a change strategy based on enhancing your ability to cope with stress and temptation is a better match for you, please take The Treatment Matching Test. This confidential assessment is scored on your computer and is available at no charge. If you find that our self-directed approach matches your attributes, you may begin your passage to good outcome by assessing your current vulnerabilities using the Trap Detector. The Trap Detector is a quick self-test that is scored on your computer and reveals which of the 6 addictive traps is most critical for you. You may then use this self-guided approach independently by following the appropriate links or in collaboration with Dr. Dubin via chat, email, or phone. (Individuals who live in Austin or the Central Texas area have the option of a face-to-face collaboration).  For information please call us at: (512) 343-8307.

If you find this approach to be well matched with your attributes and circumstances, you are likely to respond well to our treatment methods.  Our self-guided treatment and relapse prevention manual: The Path of Greatest Advantage is available in paperback and e-book formats.

For a FREE 8 minute audio description of our model of addiction and its treatment, please click here.