the Puzzle: why do you follow a path that you've learned takes you to bad outcomes

why sincere vows fail

There’s nothing newsworthy about making a mistake. . . the first time. But when you screw up in the same way over and over, you may wonder what causes you to repeatedly follow the same path to a bad outcome.  Recurring patterns of misfortune are especially puzzling when they ruin the lives of those of us who are otherwise good problem-solvers,  By the time you reach the end of this page, you’ll understand the nature of this puzzle.  The pages that follow contain tools that will help you solve your particular puzzle.

It’s generally easier to see the solution to someone else’s problem than your own. Consier these examples of recurring patterns of self-sabotage: addiction and failed intimate relationships.

The first puzzle: Why do addicts repeatedly relapse despite the sincere intention not to?  The solution to addiction seems so obvious unless it’s your addiction. Consider Mr. E, a compulsive gambler.  He’s lost more than he could afford on several occasions, and each time he tells himself some version of: “I’ve learned my lesson this time; I’ll never gamble again.”  Nevertheless, while driving through the Rockies several months after his most recent vow of abstinence, he finds himself entertaining thoughts of a side trip through Las Vegas.  He remembers the pain of previous losses as well as his sincere vow to never gamble again.  On the other hand, he feels certain that he will be able to control himself and will simply walk away from the table if starts losing.

Figure - Ground

The Mystery of Mysteries

Puzzle #1: Can you solve the mystery of Mr. E’s repeated relapses despite his sincere intention to never make that mistake again?

  • Why is there so little resistance each time to violating his sincere vow to “Never gamble again?”
  • Why does he continue to take his promise seriously after observing that he breaks this vow every time he makes it?

The Trap Detector self-test  

Satanic Versus

Puzzle #2: Mimi is lonely. Can you help her solve the puzzle of why all her lovers leave her?

After an argument, Mimi’s boyfriend attempts to apologize: “I’m sorry.   I love you.” he says. Mimi interprets this as “I’m sorry I love you.” which triggers feelings of abandonment and rage.  As a result of Mimi’s excessive reaction, he wants out.  Sadly, Mimi will continue to drive intimacy away until she solves the puzzle of what causes her react as she does to the things that happen.  

To solve the puzzle of why you repeatedly choose a path that you would advise yourself not to take, use the A-B-C hack to: 

Research cause-and-effect

personally explore the mechanism responsible for voluntary self-sabotage

taken in by the soul illusion

Each of these puzzles looks different to dispassionate observers like us than it feels to the protagonist during the high-risk situation. Later, when protagonists look back on the critical moment from the third-person perspective of hindsight, they understand it differently than they did when they experienced it in real time from the first-person perspective. To solve this kind of puzzle of the psyche [soul], you have to understand it from the inside out (first-person perspective of cause-and-effect) and from the outside in (third-person perspective of cause-and-effect).

To see what I mean, check out the first image below by the brilliant Mexican artist Octavio Ocampo. Is it a pretty girl or birds tending a nest?  Needless to say, it’s just an array of pixels of varying shades.  Images do not exist until an observer creates them from the stimulus elements.

The Soul Illusion [the bogus assumption that you see things as they really are] results from forgetting that the map your nervous system creates to represent the objective world is not the same as the territory it is attempting to depict.  The error of confusing the map with the territory shows up as recurring patterns of unwanted outcomes.

Select an image to view it in more detail

Ambiguous Figure
ambiguous figure
Neker cube
Necker Cube
ambiguous figure
how fast can you flip?
ambiguous figure
perpetual motion
ambiguous figure
9 Embedded Figures
Figure Ground
Who’s bigger?
Identical Figures
Tabletops
Identical Figures
Shades of Grey
Contrast
our logo
Impossible Figure
more illusions
why the protaganist fails to see the solution

the truth is cruel

The truth is cruel, but it can be loved
and it makes free those who have loved it.

 — George Santayana

The cruel truth is that you don’t have immaculate perception.  Your perceptions are the creations of a biological creature with a point of view.   Acting as though your particular interpretations of the things that happen are valid and complete is the cause of avoidable suffering.  While everyone has a unique puzzle to solve, a common denominator of most, if not all, successful resolutions is the intellectual humility advocated by Socrates among others. 


There is no "most valid" photo of me, so I chose this one on the basis of utility

How I chose my photo for this site

I went through the photos I had of myself and chose the most flattering one. Then I had the thought: “You can’t use that one, it makes you look better than you really look,” then I thought: “Actually, it’s the other pictures that make you worse than you really look.” Needless to say, this internal dialogue reflects my self-focused ruminations rather than facts about the objective world.  Each of my photos shows how I look from a particular perspective. Since there is no “most valid” photo of me, I cannot use validity as the basis of selection. So, I followed Nietzsche’s advice and chose on the basis of utility.

Just as there is no most valid photo of you, there are no objectively valid judgments of you. Different perspectives generate different judgments about your worth, loveability, shame, etc. None of these perspectives is valid and complete. But you have to look at things from some perspective. Nietzsche recommends that you choose your perspective on the basis of utility.

A professional photographer positions the camera to achieve the desired effect.  In the same manner, you can choose a point of view that evokes the desired emotional or motivational state.  See Intentional Trance Formation.

Dr. Will Dubin
(At least how he looks from one perspective)

Illusions

Find the solution to your puzzle by looking within

start here