Feeling anxious? Agitated? Frenzied? Upset with yourself? Someone else? Life in general? Finding it hard to think straight? Need to calm down enough to figure out where to go from here? Below are four approaches to calming your system.
For immediate relief, seek comfort and distraction – popcorn and a good movie; a hot shower and a magazine; sitting by the water with music or a good book. What is below is more for coping over the longer term with anxious, negative or painful feelings as you seek to resolve them
GROUNDING >activities bring you back down to earth – out of your head with its fearsome fantasies, obsessive ruminations and flights of anxiety.
- Write down what you are thinking and feeling – get it out of your head and onto paper. (Pennebaker’s research here at U.T. shows this really reduces symptoms, including physical ones, over time)
- Do something physical so that you can feel your body and the ground beneath you.
- Put a sound to your emotion – sing it, play it on a instrument or a CD, or just make the sound that fits the feeling – a moan, a scream, a growl – that can feel better can you think.
- Use your senses – touch something soft and comforting, a pet perhaps. Taste something soothing – tea, soup, mac and cheese.
CONTRADICTIONS are experiences that counter fear and negativity – like focusing on the beauty and patterns of nature, the steady rhythm of the ocean; the lyrical beauty of poetry and music; the innocence and wonder of a child; the rationality associated with Pulling up Into Adult (see “Pulling Up Into Adult” issue of Tina’s Musings)
Contradictions can be very important when little else seems possible. The color palette of flowers, the glory (yes glory) of sunsets, symphonies and puppies can remind us of what is good, beautiful, natural and ordered when all seems lost.
CONTAINERS provide some “solid” way to hold emotion – to keep it from escalating into oblivion. Containers offer the strength, power, and solidity of muscle, speed, loudness. A sense of order can come from the understanding that develops with writing or the shape one gives emotion with art. Prayer and meditation can offer quiet containment.
When I am experiencing anxiety and dread, I play the piano seeking the container quality of the rhythm. The solid and regular rhythm can hold my emotion and reminds me that there is inherent order to life even though there may also be chaos.
BUFFERS can provide a little distance and a bit of comfort from difficult situations, difficult people, and even our own difficult thoughts. Having a difficult conversation can be easier while one or both of you are involved in some semi-structured activity. Making plans for when the family comes to visit can be easier while folding clothes, for example or while playing a mindless card game. Listening to your mother-in-law complain over the phone about her neighbor can be a bit more tolerable – and even easier to pay attention to – if you’re playing solitaire or washing the dishes. Semi-structured activities are helpful also in allowing yourself to think about hard or painful stuff while still focusing on something else that feels do-able and maybe constructive. As the buffering quality of cleaning out the sock drawer, painting a canvas or washing the car! Thinking about difficult stuff can be easier as well with the buffering of a blanket around you or someone’s arms; under the warmth of a shower, surrounded by the sadness or majesty of music. Food and alcohol can be used as good buffers as long as they don’t become barriers to feelings. Movies, books, television can provide nice buffering breaks for a while as can numbness.
There are some things you might do that can buffer, contain and remind you of the beauty, pattern and rhythm of life – all in one. So much the better.